On January 27, 2015, I became a member of an exclusive club that no one ever wants to join. Widowhood. My husband passed away after having complications from a routine surgery. Completely unexpected, unwanted and disbelieved.
It has been two weeks and still half of me believes that he will come walking through the door, while the other half crumbles inward when I realize that he will never come walking through the door.
I remember when I was first married and referring to myself as a 'wife' was strange and new. It was a label that created joy and excitement at the prospect of all of the wonderful adventures to come. When someone would ask if I was married, I would nod 'yes' with a happy smile.
Now, 13 years later, I have to refer to myself with another strange and new label - 'widow'. It is a label that creates sadness and longing at the prospect of all the lonely years to come. Now, when someone asks if I am married, I nod 'yes' with a sad smile, because I am still married and want to be still married and refuse to give up being married.
It has been two weeks and still half of me believes that he will come walking through the door, while the other half crumbles inward when I realize that he will never come walking through the door.
I remember when I was first married and referring to myself as a 'wife' was strange and new. It was a label that created joy and excitement at the prospect of all of the wonderful adventures to come. When someone would ask if I was married, I would nod 'yes' with a happy smile.
Now, 13 years later, I have to refer to myself with another strange and new label - 'widow'. It is a label that creates sadness and longing at the prospect of all the lonely years to come. Now, when someone asks if I am married, I nod 'yes' with a sad smile, because I am still married and want to be still married and refuse to give up being married.
